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..//this is my last resort\\..
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[04 May 2005|08:14pm] |
hey wellmy daddy will b here 2mm yay.. Im gunna get messed up dis weekend :) hopefully. well anywayss Jeremy called me 2day.. it was goin ok until the end we were bout 2 get off neways well i was like why didnt u callme on da 23rd .. our 1 year he was like its not like were datin im aloud 2 b a lil late i jux said oh.. okay well ill talk to u later bye click..FCUK DAT! i dont give a shit anymore.. well I do.. but fuk it cuz he can just go 2 hell .. watever.. maybe he'll get in another wreck. well ima go. ttyl
xoxo
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[20 Apr 2005|03:56pm] |
lets just make this easy n simple...
Im just a screw-up.
this is the email my mom sent me..
Rachael, What you did today was not acceptable. You were not sick but yet you expected me or Mandy to drop what we were doing and come check you out "just because you felt like it". You claimed you had nothing to do but yet you still have classes to go to and have no clue what you would have to do when you got to them. If you had talked to me about this ahead of time then it may have been possible. You are going to have to start planning things ahead of time instead of expecting everyone to jump when you want something. We all wish life was like that but it is not. You will be out on Monday so you don't need to miss today.
I think you take my job as that I do nothing all day and that it is unimportant. You are incorrect and I am not allowed to have my cell in here with me, I forgot to take it out of my purse and leave it in the car, but I put it there now since everyone in my meeting heard it go off every time you sent a text message.
Here lately every time you ask for something and I don't go along with it you get angry and start treating me ugly. Every time we leave the house you think you should drive, you don't have a permit or a license so it is a HUGE risk every time you get in the drivers seat but you don't seem to care because the risk won't effect you, you only care about what is going to effect you. Thinking about how things will effect others is called "BEING CONSIDERATE". When you show consideration for others you find that they give you the same in return. I don't have a problem letting you experience driving every once in a while but not every time we get in the car.
I have asked you for two weeks now to clean up your room and every time I go in there it is a disaster, when you do stuff in my bedroom or bath you leave your mess behind for me to pick up. I am very aware that you have difficulty still with some things and I love helping you anyway I can but you take advantage of me when you just leave everything for me to do.
Every time you ask to go stay the night or have someone stay I never tell you no, I don't tell you no about much. You are going to start doing the things I ask of you or I am going to start telling you NO more often.
Joey is not perfect either and I intend to speak with him as well but he does do the things I ask of him most of the time. I was only joking with you last evening I love you both very much but I am not the only one living in that house and I don't expect to have to do EVERYTHING.
I asked you both to strip your beds last night so I could wash sheets (one more step to ensure that we have no more fleas), I paid out 100.00 yesterday to have dobber dipped and the house sprayed. Why? Because you and Mandy were getting bit by the fleas. They do not bite me. Washing the sheets was an important step that you and Joey both ignored so if we still have fleas it is not due to my none effort. Joey called and made all the arrangements for the pest control people and he took Dobber to get him dipped, I paid for it all and you were asked to do one small task and refused.
I want to see more joint effort in our household, I don't ask much of you but when I do I expect things to get done.
oh well.. fk it
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[19 Apr 2005|10:25pm] |
hey well I my not write much..
me n my mom are fighting shes being a total BITCH! like worse den ever.. I guess Im cold-hearted i dunno. but anyways, not too much going on I guess. I cant wait till my daddy gets home .. only 4 a week though. therapy was good. Im getting stronger I didnt bring my cane to skool :)
On monday I aint goin 2 skool :) doctor appt. in Jackson
well Im gunna go.
xOxO
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[09 Apr 2005|09:43pm] |
not much going on. a lil upset. but fk it yanoo?
i went shoppin n got sum cute stuff the past couple days.
i didnt do shyt this weekend :(
gotta go. bye
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[02 Apr 2005|01:09am] |
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hey well im bored. lol im at michelles blah blah
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[29 Mar 2005|06:44pm] |
life sucks. all I want to do is see my friend.. (a guy) but its like im on FUCKING LOCKDOWN for no reason.
I hate life sometimes yah kno?
my real dad called, he actually has a cellphone whoopti doo..
anyways im going.. everybody has a great life except me..
ud think my bad luck would b runnin out seeing how i was paralyzed n shyt..
(I dont wanna hear negetive shyt bout thi entry.. im venting I think I should b able 2 do so)
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[28 Mar 2005|11:20pm] |
srry i havent wrote in forever i been writin in my GJ.. but oh well. nothin much goin on. i saw jeremy today..
well im gunna go bye xoxo
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[12 Mar 2005|01:42pm] |
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the inferno2 |
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hey. well today has been alright. Jeremy called. i miss him. i dont know how to describe wat i feel, and i dont think anyone could understand. I just.. i run out of words.. but inside i know wat to say and how i feel. but words couldnt say it. oh well.
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[11 Mar 2005|04:20pm] |
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hey. well today was bad. I got so sick and dizzy and checke out and came home and went to sleep. I found out Jeremy called at like 8.. I dunno wat to think about it or how Im supose to/ hopw I feel about it.
well anyways tonigt Im stayin with kk I think, then Michelle saturday night. I need some sex haha.
well Im gunna go. byebyeee
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[04 Mar 2005|09:53pm] |
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well Im fcukin upset. My mom is a bitch... GD!!! I want to die.
I cant do nething nemore. this happens everytime i stay home on the weekend.
I tryed doing one of my dance moves. nobody will ever understand.. I mean the MOST important thing that means so much to you, taken away.. then people sayin shit like ull get better..i mean yes they mean good, but i dunno. back to the point i was tryin my dance move and almost had it then stumbled n fell. hurt my toe really bad. all i was trying 2 do was half turn!!! (Rachael You know what Im taling about) I mean it was like omg.. wat has happened to me?! then my mom was laughing. she didnt realize i hurt myself then her fcuking boyfriend just sat there i didnt notice till after but i was thinkin damn i shoulda bitched him out. i dont know if i can hold on till my daddy comes home... september. and even then my mom wont let me entirley live with him. shes a whore! no kiddin either... i know sum shyt that she wishes i didnt know. well sorry 4 venting i just had to get on here im upset. i didnt want to cut im tryin not to. i just hate this..
im gunna go. bye
oh yea.. have you ever noticed if you have makeup on then after you cry n yah eyes arnt as red... ya look prettier?... well i think i do. i think i look better after i cry...
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| *s*i*a*d* |
[01 Mar 2005|09:29pm] |
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cry-mandy moore |
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Self Injury Awareness Day - March 1st
SIAD is a global awareness day, and yet it is not supported by any nations' governments, because it is a grass-roots idea. Somehow, in the mists of time, the date was set as the 1st of March, and organisations around the world make extra efforts to raise awareness ready for SIAD.
The colour for some reason is orange. Some people wear an orange ribbon, but in the past SIAD bracelets have been worn:
- Orange beads if you self harm;
- Orange and white if you used to;
- White if you have never self harmed but understand.
If you agree that people should be made aware of this issue and this day, re-post this in your journal.
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[25 Feb 2005|10:18pm] |
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hey.
I just got back from the movies with KK and Jared. We saw "man of the house". It was pretty good. I don't know why, but Im depressed. On the ride home from the movies, it just like.. hit me.. I started thinking of Jeremy, and my stepdad leaving tomorrow, and I have to go back to moms house (hell) again, and my real dad (the bastard) is coming to see me. I just dont understand why this all happens.
i cant cut, but for some reason i think before when i was cutting i was happier..
i dunno.
I cant think straight.. Im stressed out again. I hope my heart doesnt start messing up again....
I need to go. xoXo
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[23 Feb 2005|05:16pm] |
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A walk to remember |
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hey. well today aight. everything is so screwed up. my mom and dad got into a fight.. so much bullshit. and its all because of me, if i wasnt born than none of ths wouldve never happened..
Im watching a walk to remember, I love this movie..
I was going thru my stuff today, I found all my dance stuff.. It made me cry so bad.
well tonight Im goin to a show at the beau.
gosh this movie is sad. sometimes I kinda wish I had cancer.. easy way out.
I need to go. xoxo
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[20 Feb 2005|05:09pm] |
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I can only imagine |
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Id give all the nice things and money I have to just have a good life. They're right, money cant make you happy, it can just make things more pleasureable.
I dont want my daddy to leave. and I have to basically ride right by my real dads house everyday, I was thinking and the last time I even talked to him was xmas. I mean I broke my fcuking neck, im paralyzed n he dont want to see me. He aint a real dad anyways hes a fcukin raping, abusing bastard. oh well.
I got a new purse, sum shirts, this thing that goes with my ipod, i hook it up n its basically a whole stereo system that folds up and the speakers are the size of my ipod. its cool. $150.
I love this song, I can only imagine.... - I can only imagine when things are okay .
Im gonna go.
x0xo
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[19 Feb 2005|02:14pm] |
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hey well things have been aight latey. friday night I went with my boy Brian. nothing happened :( lol. maybe next time. well we went to his house watched a scary movie. then watched sum tv until i had2 go home. he fell asleep lol. hes such a sweet guy . i want to go out with him again but my dad is leavin a week from today n i feel bad leaving. im really all he has left. but anyways i wish he would get online lol. well im gunna go to the mall later. im gunna head out.. bye
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[16 Feb 2005|09:25pm] |
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hey well nothing much is going on.. ill make a longer update later <33
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[14 Feb 2005|08:36pm] |
heyyy.. well this weekend was aight. friday night didnt do anything. Saturday night.. hehe. Me n Chelle went out and got high. bought a sak. (im good i promise lol) Then today I went to the mall wit chelle.. Adam came up thea n we smoked another part of da weed i got lol. chelle was fcukin hallucinating (sp).. and I still got sum left, lol. not much.. only enough for a joint but anywayss yea I had fun. Jeremy called tonight, but I knew I was gona be busy so I was like umm can u call me 2mm night or watever n he was like iono I gotta pass out.. lol. I was like yeaaaa me2 haha. n then he was like i aint slept hardly lately n he said ill tell ya bout it later.. but anyways Im hopin he'll call me 2mm night. tomorrow is vday.. and me and Jeremy are over.. :(
well Im gunna go do my algebra. <333 byebye
//edit// LJ was bein a bitch so im posting this a day late :\ //end of edit//
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[11 Feb 2005|01:11pm] |
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not too much going on. I came home early today, my tummy hurt. oh well. well I have NOTHING to do tonight so far lol. I hate it when I dont haveanything to do. I miss my old life.. ok enough. anywayss.. I wanna get my tounge pierced lol. i would if I didnt have to take like 10 pills a day lol. soo iono yet. im hungry.. but theres nothing to eat. well ill be back later.
x0x0-rach
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[09 Feb 2005|01:46pm] |
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hey. well i just woke up. my mardi gras was good lol. Im over jeremy.. i think.. I just cant deal with it anymore. I thought he was different..
he called me last night at like 3 in the morning.. he got in a car wreck. him and nikki .. yeah well shes hurt not too bad n like cant really do much for 8 weeks i dont remember all what he said. she was driving n jeremy pulled up the e-brake n the car flipped.. jeremy was fkd up.. i dont think it was too bad jeremy isnt in the hospital soo.. I just hate this. i dont wanna deal with it anymore. I wish I never met him. n oh yea im gunna ak jeremy if hes gunna cheat n leave nikki like he did me.. oh well. i just need anything to keep him off my mind. im taking everything i have of his/ours n puttin it in a box or sumfin.. too many tears ive cryed.. but im still adding on to those tears. ... okay I think im out. bye
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| mardi gras |
[08 Feb 2005|09:58pm] |
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hey!! well my mardi gras was pretty good. couldve been better but it was aight. I went with my aunt shaleigh, my brother, their friends etc. they all like 30 n below lol. they so much fun. they were all like giving me drinks lol. i fell down during the night parade haha.. i was all like yall got me fkd up lol. n my aunts husband danny was sooo fucked up lol. every 1 minute hwe was like hey rachaell... lol and there was this really hot guy (bj) I slready knew him but he too old but were fcukin around. hes cool. of course my brother had to get into a fight lol. He gets a very bad temper wen hes drunk.. lol. lynzie slapped him in the face 2 times haha. anyways im really tired.. im gunna go..
byeee
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